INFJs are one of the most uncommon personality types. We are quiet, intuitive, idealistic dreamers with empathy for everything and everyone, with our energy primarily focused internally. We live in another world, one entwined with hidden meanings, possibilities, and symbolism, which can make us appear strange to those who find themselves in our company at times.
Other personality types may initially perceive us as mysterious, even intriguing, but this can cause problems in our relationships because these traits can quickly make us appear aloof and blasé.
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Before diving headfirst into a relationship with an INFJ, there are a few things you should know – not all of them are necessarily negative, but they are necessary to know before you can move into a more serious phase and a deeper understanding of the relationship:
1. There are no connections
INFJs do not want something fleeting that will vanish at the first sign of a strong, potentially stormy wind blowing in their direction. We look for soul mates, people with whom we can connect spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually.
We don't do casual or friends with benefits because it frustrates us and makes us feel bad for compromising our ideals and value systems. This is not to say that we are judgmental of others who prefer to explore and experiment; it is simply not something we wish to pursue.
2. Trust is not always easy to come by
INFJs are keen observers of the world and everything that happens in it. We not only see but also feel the pain. This is one of the reasons we are so hesitant to jump into a relationship before we know if we truly connect with someone.
If there is any indication that the person is not being truthful or open with us, we will withdraw immediately. We are good readers of situations and people, and we will notice if the dynamics of the relationship have changed or if the person is not giving his or her all.
3. We will not give up
We need you to be honest because INFJs do not easily give up on a relationship. If we sense that the dynamics – as mentioned above – have shifted, we will gradually begin to fade away mentally, emotionally, and even physically. We don't like conflict, which makes us (or perhaps just me) terrible verbal communicators when it comes to it. We try to avoid the elephant in the room by waiting for the other person to break things off first.
4. We require alone time
We tend to give our all in a relationship, often neglecting ourselves in the process, which leads to exhaustion and overstimulation. As a result, we may lash out, saying or doing things we do not mean.
As a result, we require time alone to center ourselves; we require our other half not to take it personally when we inform them that we require a weekend alone without seeing, texting, or calling each other. Our loved ones must be able to let us go for a period of time in order for us to recharge and recuperate. It's the only way we'll be able to function “normally” in the world we're in, as well as in our relationship.
5. Snobs are a turn-off
Look, we all appreciate a good dose of self-assurance, style, and a positive body image. It's great for the guy or girl who has it, but they shouldn't use it to bring others down. If they do, they will not see us for very long, if at all.
This was a major pet peeve in one of my relationships, and it contributed to some of my own insecurities in the end. I never saw the flaws he saw in others, but it made me look at myself through his eyes, wondering if he felt the same way about me. It wasn't until I did some soul searching and recollected myself and my sense of worth and value that I realized this was not something I could stand for.
You must understand that INFJs are affected by the energy provided by our surroundings, and we cannot tolerate an energy of criticism, arrogance, and elitism – we despise it. We see people's souls, not their status, appearances, or accessories. We're hoping to find someone who appreciates simplicity and makes room for what's important.
6. We are the odd children
INFJs are incredibly complex – so much so that they can be frustratingly perplexing not only to those around us, but also to ourselves. We have a vibrant inner life and are frequently lost in idealistic dreams and fantasies about life and the world we want to save. We are aware that we may appear strange to others, and as a result, we frequently feel alone and misunderstood.
We rarely feel that anyone truly understands us, which can lead to conflict in our relationships. However, please bear with us and work with us when we are feeling this way. We may not admit it, but we require your assistance.
7. The dark abyss of depression
INFJs are prone to experiencing bouts of depression. Whether it's because we feel helpless and hopeless in our quest to save the world and all its inhabitants, or because we're in the midst of a crisis and a blockage in our work, or even because we're lonely and misunderstood. This can have an impact on our relationships, and we may feel compelled to return to our deep, dark, and lonely pit.
It's smart to know when to let us creep back in and just let us be, allowing us to sort through our thoughts and emotions, but it's also smart to know when we need that helping hand to pull us back into the light. Please, please don't abandon us entirely.
This is who we are. You can take it or leave it. But one thing we can guarantee the guy or girl who decides to take it is loyalty, support, unconditional love, acceptance, and someone who is always ready to go on new adventures with you. All we need is your trust, openness, and willingness to stick with us through the sticky and difficult times in our lives – we will never forget it, and we will be devoted to you until the end.
If you're an INFJ, tell us about your relationship and if you've been lucky enough to find the one who dances with you through the rain, the one whose love roars louder than your demons, the one who knows how to make you feel both secure and wild.
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