How do you like the feel of eggshells under your feet? You know, the ones you've been walking on in order to please your new friend? She's not all that bad. I know she doesn't have any other friends, but she's simply misunderstood.
It begs the question of how someone could be so mistreated and misunderstood by EVERYONE with whom she comes into contact. But there's something about her that makes you uncomfortable.
This post may contain some affiliate links to products that I use and love. If you click through and make a purchase, I’ll earn a commission, at no additional cost to you. Read my full disclosure here.
Your gut instincts about these people are usually correct, and they will drain you of all of your energy before moving on to the next person.
A certain personality type will stab you in the back at the first opportunity. Here are some telltale signs that you're dealing with one of them.
1. They compliment you and you feel like you've been slapped
You've heard these, haven't you? “I like your sweater! I had no idea Goodwill had such nice items” or “Nice dress, if your legs were longer, it might look good.” There are a million and one different ways to take a compliment and serve it back to you. You are being mean, petty, or overly sensitive if you become upset or defend yourself.
2. They will only be satisfied with you if you allow them to win at everything
This type of person is so insecure that they cannot be wronged in any way without exploding. They will argue a ridiculous position to the death just to avoid being wrong.
Any minor disagreement you have with them escalates into a massive squabble in which they insist you are coldly attempting to destroy them.
The truth is that every word they say and every idea they propose is intended to bring you under their control so that you can be used by them. Any means necessary will be employed, including the destruction of your life, relationships, confidence, and, ultimately, your sanity. They have the ability to persuade.
3. They have an affair with your husband or boyfriend
This type of person has no sense of ethics or morals. If she thought she could steal your boyfriend for fun, she would almost certainly try. When you look at the histories of these people, you can see a pattern of broken relationships and infidelities.
They have no remorse for their devastation, and will tell you without hesitation that all of these people “deserved it.”
4. Their everyday conversation is peppered with put-downs
This individual has something negative to say about almost everyone. If you think you're the only one who gets away with her scathing criticisms, think again. When you are not present, she is saying the same things to others about you. Lies are told in order to elicit sympathy or assistance and to divert attention away from anyone who sees the truth about them and perceives them as a threat.
If you stand up for yourself or someone else they are destroying, you become a threat, and they bring out all the tools they can think of to destroy you covertly. They turn your best friends against you and can even get you fired, blacklisted, or killed if they are not exposed.
Another characteristic of this personality type is that, while they may disparage anyone who is good, they may also defend destructive people and groups.
5. They're envious of your other friends
A person with this personality attempts to exert control over all of your communication for their own perceived benefit. If they believe you are becoming overly attached to someone else, they see this as a threat and will work directly or covertly to destroy your relationships.
Harmful lies are created and spread with no regard for the damage they cause.
6. They make you feel unattractive, stupid, and unlovable
Every statement made by someone like this is intended to make you feel inferior so that you can be used. This is what they are if you've ever heard the term “energy vampires.” The energy vampires are convinced that they cannot create energy and must rely on the energy of others to survive. They use whatever means they can to achieve this, and it is never constructive.
Someone who has lapses from time to time is not necessarily an energy vampire. True energy vampires are always like this. They have an underlying frantic need to control the people around them. They are in desperate need. This person sees you as their personal robot to use, not as a friend or someone to care for. Once you've served your purpose, they'll let you go and find a new host.
The strategy is the same: put you down quietly until you lose confidence, then use the fruits of your labor to get whatever they can for themselves while they can.
7. They appear coldly calculated
They may claim to love you more than anything else in the world, but there is no joy in their eyes. Their embrace has no warmth to it. When you're with them, you're on guard. In these cases, your gut instincts are almost always correct.
8. They are extremely vengeful in the face of perceived slights
Remember those eggshells we mentioned? This is where you will notice them the most. This personality type is known as the “suddenly angry” person. You're going about your business as usual when they become “suddenly angry,” and you have no idea what happened.
They then turn this perceived slight into the greatest crime against humanity ever committed, and after being harrassed about it over and over, you begin to believe it yourself. And you begin to suspect that there is something fundamentally wrong with you for being so deafeningly deafeningly deafeningly deafeningly deafeningly deafeningly deafeningly deafeningly dea
In reality, you have done nothing wrong; this person has simply decided, for whatever reason, that they must reclaim control of you, and the blow up is the means by which they will do so.
Any “sin” you have ever committed in their eyes is entered into a mental list of your crimes and is trotted out whenever they think they need to reclaim control of you.
Everything bad you've ever done to them (in their eyes) is so bad it can't be fixed, whereas everything bad they've ever done to you is nothing. You're either being overly sensitive or making a big deal out of nothing. They will explain how It just goes to show how weak and stupid you are, and how superior they are, never in plain language, of course, but you will get the gist of it.
9. They take pleasure in other people's misery
Anyone who laughs or is happy when others are in physical or mental pain is insane. It is not a normal human trait to want others to suffer or be upset. On the contrary, mentally healthy people want to help others and remove their sources of pain.
Some people laugh when something painful occurs, but this is a reaction to shock or discomfort. You can tell when someone is genuinely enjoying the pain of others. This raises a big red flag.
10. Your life has abruptly spiraled out of control
The introduction of one of these personality types into your life can have far-reaching consequences for you and those around you. Nine times out of ten, what appears to be a run of “bad luck” is the poisoning of your environment by one of these energy vampires. Ordinary people with good intentions can generate energy. They channel their energy into what they require in order to survive and help others survive.
When you focus your energy, attention, and actions on consciously or unconsciously protecting or defending yourself, or cleaning up the messes these personalities leave in their wake, the rest of your life suffers dramatically. If your life was going well at one point and then everything went wrong, examine it and see who entered your life just as the devastation began. If you do this and comb the lice out of your hair, your life will return to normal.
One of the things you may be telling yourself is that this person is a good person who has had a difficult life. While the person beneath is good, the identity they have taken on is lethal. You put your trust in them at your peril. Even the most heinous criminals have some redeeming qualities, but that doesn't mean you should let them near you or your family.
Remove the energy vampires from your life until they decide to become a member of the human race, and then go find some better friends.
I Can't Study: Studying for an upcoming exam can be daunting. Instead of being overwhelmed with the amount of information you have to learn, start by breaking it down into chunks. Break your information into small sections with not too much information in each section. For example, if you have to learn about the Civil War, break it into sections. Learn about the causes of the Civil War, then move onto the details. Then, learn about Reconstruction. When you study, make sure you are using information that applies to the exam. A lot of people make the mistake of studying things that are used for homework with the test. This will make it harder to remember what you are learning for the test rather than what you are learning for your homework. Read more.
Being an Independent Woman: Being an independent woman isn't easy. We get it. It can be difficult to get people to help you because you're a woman. It's time that we get rid of the stigma that women need to be treated like delicate flowers that can't do anything on their own. You can do it! But remember, always ask for help and support when you need it and don't let anyone get in your way. Read more.
Things That Matter in Life: What matters most in life is how well you walk through the fire. - Charles Bukowski. Life is full of trials and tribulations, both big and small. It is not always easy to keep your head up, keep pushing forward, and make yourself better. But what matters most in life is not the little things. It is not the small victories or failures. What matters most in life are the lessons you take from the hard road. It is how you live the experience. It is the growth that comes from the struggle. The way you grow as a person is defined by how well you walk through the fire. Read more.
Personal Successes: Sure I've experienced great success in my life: earning a 4.0 in college and climbing in the corporate ladder in my career. But I want to focus on the smaller successes I've had in the past year. I've managed to work out regularly by going to the gym 3-4 times a week even through the holidays. I've managed to save thousands of dollars in the past year by cutting back on my spending habits. I've managed to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with my boyfriend. I've managed to develop a positive mindset and avoid negativity. And I've managed to work on this publication and grow it into a successful business. I've managed to do all that and more in the past year and I hope to continue to work on improving myself and my life and my business in 2017! Read more.
How to Stop Caring: Stop caring? Well, I can't promise there won't be an occasional care that sneaks into your mind. It happens to everyone! The trick is to let it go as quickly as possible. When you care too much about something, it can be detrimental to your life. When you're stuck on the idea of how the world should be, you're letting your feelings of care dictate your happiness. You will never be able to stop caring entirely. You will care about things you love. You will care about the people you care about. But you shouldn't let your feelings of care direct your happiness. They shouldn't be your guide on what's best for you. The only way you can stop caring about something is to stop caring about how it affects you. And you can't do that until you stop caring about how it affects you. Read more.
You have heard it all before: "Live life to the fullest", "follow your dreams", "be who you are" and "if it is meant to be, it will be". These are all wonderful quotes that are meant to help you live a happy life but they miss the point. Our lives are interconnected with each other and with the world.
No matter how hard you think you try, there’s always going to be a certain level of stress in your life. And when stress gets out of hand, it can start to negatively affect your life. But this doesn’t have to be the case. There are some easy steps you can take to improve your life in the long run, and we’ve found a few that can help you enjoy a better life and get rid of stress.