I used to be so shy that talking to girls caused me to break out in a cold sweat. It was so bad that even opening my mouth to say “Hi” caused my vocal pitch to rise several octaves.
As you might expect, this didn't exactly help me woo the ladies (unless by “woo” you mean make them laugh, flee, and/or hide).
My problems were a symptom of a common problem shared by many guys like you: I lacked self-confidence. Do you know how I feel? Let's give your self-esteem (and dating life) a push in the right direction. This is how to ask a girl out and almost always get a yes.
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Ground Rules Your Posture Should Exude Confidence Most men guarantee a rejection before they even open their mouth because their appearance lacks confidence. Here are some simple cues to help you remember the dos and don'ts of proper posture.
Do not: Cross your legs/arms Slump your shoulders Fidget Do: Keep your chin up Gaze forward Shoulders down and back Chest high When in doubt, consider how much space you are taking up. Is it a lot or just a little? If you're not taking up much space, you might be curled up in a sad little ball (which doesn't make you look confident).
Take up as much space as possible with your body to show that you are at ease in your own skin (and this hopefully goes without saying, but keep it within reason — don't go lying down on the ground in the middle of the bar or anything crazy!) The Clothes Make the Man No, you don't have to be dressed to the nines when you ask a girl out. But that doesn't mean you have to look like a slob. Dress in whatever style you want, but keep it classy. No wrinkled tees, filthy shoes, or other fashion faux pas are permitted. Don't sweat the details, but dress like the handsome and polished gentleman you are.
Engage Eye Contact If a coffeehouse cutie catches your eye, shoot a few harmless glances in her direction. Linger for a few seconds before moving on, but don't go beyond the five-second mark unless you want to be labeled a creeper.
If she returns your gaze with a smile, it's a good sign that the attraction is mutual.
Do Not Mix Kindness and Attraction Just because a woman smiles or talks to you does not mean she wants to take your friendship to the next level, so don't get your hopes up for nothing.
Are you unsure whether a friend likes you or not? If she says, “What, like a date?” ask her out. ” in response, “Yes! “without a doubt. Confidence is seductive (and even if she says, “No,” you'll know for sure).
Keep It Simple Don't try to be funny, and forget about impressing her. Women are drawn to men who are comfortable in their own skin, so bending over backwards to “wow” a woman will most likely make her think you are trying too hard.
Take a few deep breaths, think to yourself, “No big deal,” and confidently approach her and say, “Hi.” For extra points, find something about her to compliment (perhaps she has a cool tattoo, an expressive smile, or a witty t-shirt?).
Is it terrifying to ask the question?
If you're concerned about coming across as nervous, let's make your approach as quick and painless as possible.
Approach her and say something like, “Hello! I know this is a bit random, but I just wanted to say you piqued my interest. I'm running late for a meeting/work/class/(you get the idea), but if it's okay, I'd like to get your phone number. ” The Big Night Don't Go to the Opera with a Sporty Woman Did she say yes? Sweet! Let's get ready for your date, you handsome hunk of a man.
- Do your homework before the Big Night. Inquire about her favorite movies, sports, musical genres, and hobbies.
- This way, you can disguise your investigation as small talk and surprise her with a night out that is tailored to her preferences.
Are you ogling, listening, or waiting for your turn to speak?
When she speaks, keep your gaze fixed on her eyes. You'll have more chances to check those out if you show her what a classy, interesting guy you are.
AND PAY ATTENTION TO HER! Listen actively, smiling and nodding when appropriate, and be prepared with follow-up questions that demonstrate your thoughtfulness. First impressions are crucial, so don't squander them!
Keep It in Your Pants I'm not going to stop you from going to bed together after the first night. Because different women have different sex comfort zones, I can't give you a broad recommendation for when sex should become a serious consideration.
However, don't press the issue if she isn't ready. If you really like this girl, don't squander it in a fit of lust. I know it's difficult to be patient, but remember: everything is better when you have to wait for it (plus, it'll be a lot more fun when she's ready… promise!) Post-Date Mind Games Are Not Allowed There is no “best time” to text or call after a date, so stop over-analyzing it.
If she likes you, she will be delighted to hear from you, whenever that may be (Note: if the first date was a Grand Slam, you should say, “Hi,” the next day and schedule a follow-up date as soon as possible because momentum is your friend).
The only stipulation? Don't be a clingy person. Keep your cool when it comes to confidence.
Fellas, I hope you now have a better understanding of the question, “How to Ask a Girl Out?”
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