How to Be a Better Lover (The Ultimate Guide + Image Quotes)

There are many differences between males and females, especially when it comes to sex, but one thing that can bring us together or drive us apart is our relationship experience. Both partners feel the effects of an unsatisfying sexual experience, which can gradually erode the very fabric that holds a relationship together.

In this article, I'll share essential tips for becoming a better lover both in and out of the bedroom.

Many people believe that being a better lover is all about sex, but this is not the case. It is about emotional and sexual connection, as well as attraction that must last the duration of the relationship. Indeed, loss of attraction is a common issue among couples who fail to maintain their “A” game (note: “A” stands for Attraction!).

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The level of attraction, intimacy, and closeness you can enjoy depends on how you interact with your partner outside of the bedroom and how you present yourself as a person. If you want to be a better lover, you should start here.

While sexual technique is an important piece of the puzzle, if you are disconnected on a mental or emotional level, you may lose your desire for sexual intimacy with a partner.

We've all heard the generalization that males feel emotionally connected to their partners through a satisfying sexual connection, and females feel more open to and capable of enjoying sexual intimacy with their partners when they feel emotionally connected.

When there is an impediment to connecting emotionally or sexually, one or both partners may begin to question why they are in a relationship with their partner.
Outside of the Bedroom, Here's How to Be a Better Lover

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Becoming a better lover begins outside of the bedroom. It is critical to take a close look at how your relationship looks on a daily basis. To get an idea of how you're doing, try the following.

1. Concentrate on the Positive

We are looking for the best in ourselves and our partners at the start of a relationship. We are constantly presenting the best version of ourselves and are completely focused on our partner's best qualities. This, predictably, attracts our partner and makes us feel attractive and good about ourselves.

When we're in a good mood, we tend to focus on the best possible outcome, and everything is fine. This is also referred to as a relationship's honeymoon period.

The Honeymoon occurs as a result of our focus on the best. This type of focus activates the wonderful, happy hormones that we all enjoy, such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins.

What we concentrate on attracts more of the associated hormones

As we grow accustomed to one another and secure in our partner's love, problems arise. As a result, we may become complacent, which can eventually undermine attraction and our partner's overall desire for us.

We may make less effort to dress nicely — or we may only dress up when we go out in public. We're a little messier. We may begin to complain more frequently. We do not address any unresolved issues that may have contributed to the breakdown of previous relationships. We revert to annoying habits and behaviors, and we notice more of them in our partner.

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We may even become overwhelmed by the emotional reactions triggered by our thoughts and lack of corrective action
Simply put, we are no longer striving for excellence. And by concentrating on what irritates or depresses us, we are constantly releasing stress hormones. In contrast to happy hormones, these are extremely unpleasant and can le
ad to a downward spiral of negative thoughts, which frequently have negative consequences.

Emotional tension is not only felt by us; it also has a repellent and radiating effect on those around us.
When we show a clear lack of desire to exert effort both inside and outside the bedroom, it communicates a lack of love and respect for our partner. This complicates matters even more.

The less effort we put into ourselves, the less inclined our partner will be to put into themselves, us, and our relationship.

They may even begin to believe that they are unable to make us happy. This is the point at which many relationships begin to fail.

2. Accept Responsibility for Your Emotions

I've counseled many individuals and couples for sex, intimacy, and emotional connection issues over the years, and it's surprising how frequently a partner believes they are responsible for their partner's happiness.
Yes, our behaviors and actions can contribute to a partner's satisfaction or dissatisfaction, which is why it's critical for us to bring our “A” game, as this will inspire our partner to do the same.

But how we feel is determined by a few simple factors over which we have control

Dressing nicely to feel good about ourselves, making the best of what we have, taking charge of resolving sexual function issues in ourselves and supporting and encouraging a partner to resolve theirs, being appreciative of our partner and all that we are creating in our life… these are all restorative actions that improve how we feel.

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It is up to us to rewire our reality. Remember that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Is focusing on what's wrong, what could go wrong, or our partner's annoying habits going to make us feel good, motivate us to raise our own game, and be that better version of ourselves? No way, no how. At the very least, it will be depressing.

To be a better lover, we must concentrate on the thoughts and actions that result in the best outcomes for all, so that we are happier within ourselves and more engaging to be around. Yes, we will stumble from time to time, but that is a natural part of being human.

It is up to us, however, how long we stay down

How to Be a More Attractive Lover in the Bedroom
Once you've improved your relationship outside of the bedroom, go inside and work on any issues you're having.

1. Address Intimacy and Sexual Function Concerns

Now that we've addressed issues outside of the bedroom, it's time to work on improving our intimacy skills. I previously mentioned issues with sexual function. These have an impact on the vast majority of the world's population. Combining data from several sexual intimacy studies, we can see that sexual dysfunction affects nearly 80% of people in some way.

Sexual function issues such as inability to orgasm, difficulties reaching orgasm, vaginal dryness in women, premature (early) ejaculation, erectile dysfunction (loss of erection hardness), and inability to ejaculate all cause a great deal of tension and stress both inside and outside the bedroom.

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These problems are usually caused by a lack of relevant sex education knowledge, such as when and what to focus on. I previously discussed how our focus influences our outcomes. If we focus on the wrong thing at the wrong time during sex, our brain becomes confused about what we want, resulting in one or more of the above sexual “malfunctions.”

What does this have to do with being a better lover?

Many people go through life hoping that these issues will magically disappear and sex will become a pleasurable experience. This is rarely the case because the person continues to perform the incorrect action, hoping for a different outcome.

These issues can also lead to failed relationships because a partner may seek satisfaction elsewhere. While this is a difficult pill to swallow, it occurs frequently. If we have a problem, we must address it so that it does not contaminate our relationship and potentially cause problems with our own mental and emotional health.

There is very little emotional connection when we are distracted by a sexual function issue because we are focused on the problem and when it will (or will not) happen. This may cause our partner to doubt our desirability as a partner.

When sex becomes too difficult (no pun intended), all attraction can fade.

Here, I'm speaking from personal experience. In fact, it was the driving force behind my decision to pursue a career in this field. I am passionate about assisting men and women in resolving sexual dysfunction because I am aware of how common it is and how it can harm relationships and people's self-esteem.
That brings me to my next point. Sex involves both partners, not just one.

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2. Take as much interest in your partner's experience as you do in your own

This is always excellent advice. You must, however, balance your sexual focus or this will cause problems. For example, if a man focuses too much of his attention on giving his partner foreplay, he may lose his hard erection. A female partner who is overly concerned with the emotional connection she feels with her partner during sex may be unable to achieve orgasm.

Even focusing on a couple's spiritual connection can lead to problems during intimacy, because their brains aren't receiving signals that are necessary to complete the sexual act.
These are common issues that people face when attempting to be a better lover.

3. Spend Less Time Worrying About Sexual Function

Being a better lover necessitates corrective actions to address sexual function issues that impair our ability to truly connect with a partner.

Why? Because these issues eat away at both partners' libidos and cause emotional and sexual frustration.
A woman who is unable to achieve orgasm during intercourse, for example, is completely distracted during intercourse. Her partner may sense her disconnection and begin to believe she no longer loves or is attracted to them. This can result in a weak erection or early ejaculation (in a male), exacerbating their intimacy issues.

While she may have consoled herself with the fact that she can sometimes orgasm during foreplay, she may be unaware of the stress this places on her partner as he or she struggles to perform in order for her to feel sexually fulfilled.

It's difficult to work when your partner takes 20 minutes or more to reach an orgasm, especially if you're a male partner who has to remain hard and in control during this time.

On the other hand, a male who ejaculates early is frequently regarded as selfish by his partner. Usually, he's just noticing how arousing his partner is and how much they make him turn on! A male who cannot ejaculate, on the other hand, is usually overly focused on his partner and does not signal to his brain that it is time to orgasm.

That is to say, these issues are frequently misunderstood. Sometimes it is the misunderstanding that causes a relationship to fail.

4. Pay Closer Attention

Everything we think, say, and do affects how we feel. This is especially true in relationships because all of our actions have a direct impact on our partner. To be a better lover, we must first learn to listen well.

When we do not give our partner our full attention, we are less likely to hear beyond the surface of what they are saying, which causes problems, especially when they are requesting a significant change.
It is said that the majority of communication[6] is nonverbal, and when we are distracted, we miss all of the cues that indicate the significance of an issue.

This can lead to many drawn-out arguments in which both partners blame each other for not understanding, whereas that particular argument would not have occurred if the partner had fully listened and taken corrective action.

Nothing is worse than being accused of something we don't believe we did, but if we truly listen to our partner, we can understand what is being asked of us.

Final Thoughts

Being the best version of ourselves is required to be a better lover. This entails taking the initiative as an individual, as well as actively listening to and resolving issues that are causing conflict in our lives and relationships.

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You have heard it all before: "Live life to the fullest", "follow your dreams", "be who you are" and "if it is meant to be, it will be". These are all wonderful quotes that are meant to help you live a happy life but they miss the point. Our lives are interconnected with each other and with the world.

No matter how hard you think you try, there’s always going to be a certain level of stress in your life. And when stress gets out of hand, it can start to negatively affect your life. But this doesn’t have to be the case. There are some easy steps you can take to improve your life in the long run, and we’ve found a few that can help you enjoy a better life and get rid of stress.

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