When I think about jealousy, the song lyrics “Haters going to hate, hate, hate” come to mind. This song addresses jealousy and haters in a lighthearted manner, encouraging the listener to simply shake it off. However, it is not easy to overcome haters and jealousies. Even if we don't know the person well, we all have a tendency to take negative comments personally. Everyone has to deal with haters and envious people. Even Mother Theresa received criticism and hatred. Haters will always exist, no matter who you are or what positive influence you are trying to make in the world. Nobody is immune to the cruelty of others' jealousy and hatred; we are all subject to it throughout our lives.
It can be even more painful to have a jealous friend because a jealous person's actions and emotional expressions are not kind or loving. We take it more personally when it comes from a friend or loved one. You must understand, however, that their jealousy is the result of their own underlying issues, and it is not your fault.
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Most jealousy stems from feelings of inadequacy
The person notices something in you or another person that makes them feel inferior. Feelings of inadequacy are projected through negative thoughts or actions, whether they are real or imagined. Jealousy develops as a reaction or resolution to feelings of inadequacy. A woman, for example, may be envious of her friend who makes more money, has a nicer car, and wears designer clothing. Rather than celebrating her friend's success, this woman believes that her own income, car, and clothing are insufficient in comparison. She may feel like a failure in life because her success is not even on the same scale as her friend's, despite the fact that they graduated with the same degree at the same time.
When they are together, instead of dealing with these underlying feelings of inadequacy, the jealousy turns into little digs and insults. The envious friend remarks, “it must be nice to get a new car every two years” and “wow, that purse must have cost enough to feed a small village for a month.” Those jealousy-related comments may temporarily make the jealous friend feel better, but they do not address the underlying feelings of inadequacy, and thus the jealousy will persist until the problem is addressed.
Even if the jealous friend begins to make more money or acquires a better car and clothing, she will find a new friend to be jealous of or something else with the existing friend to be jealous of because inadequacy is the driving force. Jealousy is a powerful motivator.
There are, however, ways to deal with a jealous person that can help disarm a jealous person or keep oneself from being exposed to jealous comments and actions. When it comes to dealing with jealousy and hatred, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Each situation is unique and must be handled as such. Here are some suggestions for dealing with people who are envious or hateful.
Delete, delete, and then delete some more
The age of social media has made it all too easy for people to hide behind their computer screens and hurl insults and jabs at people they know or even do not know. The person's jealousy, which is based on their own feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction with their own lives, is at the root of many of these insults. They take to social media, where they have a safe platform to insult others.
The delete button wields considerable power. If someone makes a negative comment about you on your personal page or forum, delete their comments. If their behavior continues, unfriend or block them. If you don't have the ability to delete their comments, block the person so you don't have to deal with them. They will no longer be able to see you in the online forum, so they will have to direct their jealousy and hatred elsewhere.
You do not have to put up with online bullies. Delete them to avoid being subjected to someone else's jealousy, which is based on their own insecurities. This is especially useful if the person isn't related to you or is just a stranger. If there is someone in your life who you feel you cannot block on social media, you should confront them with the problem.
Face the problem head on
There are times when you can't delete or avoid a jealous person's comments. It doesn't matter how hard you try to disarm the person by changing the subject; it doesn't work. In those cases, the best course of action is to speak with them about what is going on.
Do not approach them if you are angry, such as after an altercation or a bout of jealousy. When you can be completely calm and rational, and you know exactly what you want to say, talk to them. Prepare your remarks before approaching the person so that you are prepared with your talking points and have considered their possible reactions. Talk to them in the manner in which you would like to be spoken to, with kindness and empathy.
For example, if your coworker is constantly calling out your mistakes in front of your boss, approaching your colleague and saying, “why the hell are you always throwing me under the bus in front of the boss?” may not result in a pleasant reaction. Approaching the person in such a rude and abrupt manner is likely to elicit a defensive reaction that is equally, if not more, unkind. Choose a kinder approach instead, and you are more likely to receive a response that seeks to understand where you are coming from, as well as recognition of how you are feeling. In this case, you could say something like, “I feel bad when you tell the boss things that I do wrong, and it's affecting our working relationship, which I want to be a positive relationship.”
When it comes to family and close relationships, confronting jealousy head on is especially important. You want to improve those relationships, so let the person know why you're approaching them.
Remind yourself that it is they, not you, who are at fault
When you are being treated unfairly because of someone else's jealousy, take a step back and pause. Remind yourself that the problem is not with you, but with them. Their jealousy and underlying issues are driving their behavior. Make an effort not to take it personally. It's a lot easier said than done. However, if you pause and take the time to analyze why they may be acting jealous, you can begin to understand what may be motivating their actions, making it easier to digest the situation.
For example, if you have a family member who is envious of your family vacations and makes disparaging remarks about how much money you spend on your vacations, you can reflect on her life situation. Her husband is out of work, so they can't take any vacations for the time being. She is envious because she is saddened that she cannot take vacations like you are right now. Recognizing that her feelings of jealousy are rooted in sadness rather than hatred for you can help you empathize with her situation. As a result, your reaction will be more sympathetic.
Maybe you realize you shouldn't talk about your vacations in front of her because it's a trigger point for her right now. Life changes, and they may take vacations again soon. When she comes to tell you about her vacation, be the bigger person and listen to her, give her positive responses while she talks, and refrain from telling her about your latest vacation unless she asks.
Being the bigger person is never easy, but it does become more natural with practice. People will naturally gravitate toward you when you are interested in talking about them rather than yourself, as you will discover over time. Their jealousy will fade because the focus has shifted to the positive aspects of their lives rather than the negative aspects that they are experiencing as a result of comparing themselves to you.
When it comes to family and close relationships, being the bigger person is especially important. If you want your relationships to thrive, show them that you love and care for them by focusing on the positive aspects of their lives and avoiding any aspects of your own that may arouse their jealousy. The less you can talk about yourself unless asked, the better, especially if you are dealing with someone who is jealous of you.
Positive thinking will disarm them
Knowing that someone's jealousy stems from their own insecurities, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy can help you be more understanding and change your reaction when someone acts jealously toward you. If a friend makes a jealous comment about how perfect your home is all the time, disarm them with a positive comment. For example, you could say, “Your garden is much prettier than mine; you certainly have a green thumb that I lack; it's nice that we all have different strengths and abilities.”
Giving them a compliment while also acknowledging that differences exist and that they are normal and acceptable will help to alleviate their own insecurities. You can't make someone happy by complimenting them, but by providing them with positive feedback, you can help disarm their jealousy-based negative comments.
It is not always easy to compliment someone, especially if you are not close to them or do not find them particularly appealing. When you practice positivity, it is empowering for them as well as for you. It makes them feel better by assisting them in recognizing the good in themselves. It will also make you feel good to know that you have contributed to making someone's day and life a little brighter.
Words have a lot of power. Being a positive influence in the world, particularly when it comes to someone who feels inferior to you, is a powerful force. Focus on the positive to help others be and do better, especially when negative comments are coming your way. If you can practice disarming a jealous person, it will become easier and more consistent over time. You will notice that they will eventually return the favor by complimenting you and others. Showing love and using positive words to encourage others can be contagious, so spread it around and your community and world will improve.
Avoid and ignore
There is a small percentage of the population that will not change no matter what tactic you use to disarm or disengage their jealousy. These haters will despise you because you are too perfect, then despise you the next day because of your flaws.
Some people are impossible to please. Once you recognize who they are, you should limit or eliminate their presence in your life. You don't need someone who is constantly attempting to bring you down in life. Their own insecurities may be so deeply ingrained that only professional assistance can help them change their ways. If their behavior is interfering with your life and your efforts to get them to stop have failed, you can cut ties with the individual with greater peace of mind.
There is no rule in life that requires you to be friends with everyone you meet or know. There are some mean people in the world who are constantly dissatisfied with their own lives and thus constantly insult and hate on others. Don't get caught up in their drama and insults. Avoid them, and change jobs if the situation is severe enough to affect your mental health and outlook on life. Don't let this type of person interfere with your life. You have control over your life and the people with whom you spend your time. Anyone who constantly insults you out of jealousy is unworthy of your time and energy. You can limit your time and exposure to the person if it is a family member. If you feel compelled to be near them in order to spend time with the entire family, avoid direct interactions and keep contact as brief as possible. If you do interact, remind yourself that their comments are based on their own personal unhappiness and have nothing to do with you.
You have no control over how they act, but you do have control over how you react to them. Choose the higher ground, which is not influenced by their negativity. Although it will still be unpleasant, not giving them the satisfaction of seeing you upset will allow you to move on to more pleasant people and conversations more quickly. Allow yourself to be cornered by someone you know is jealous of you, because the outcome will be negative. If you need to simply end the conversation and go somewhere else to avoid their comments, do so because you do not need to subject yourself to anyone's abuse.
Limit your contact with such people, or avoid them entirely, because you are worthy of a loving relationship. There are a lot of people in the world. You don't have to stick with friends or relationships that are laced with jealousy-based insults. Life is too short, and there are many people in the world who would benefit from a good friend or relationship. People who act this way out of jealousy will eventually change if and when they realize that no one wants to be around their negativity.
Continue to be yourself
Haters can be a sign that you are doing things correctly and are successful. People who are jealous of you are aware that you are succeeding, and they want the same for themselves. Rather than investing their time in bettering their own lives, they try to bring down others. Their insults, criticism, and hatred are directed at those they know are better than them, so they try to find flaws in those people so that they can believe they are better in some way. Their envy stems from their own failures and inadequacies in life.
Do not let these people bring you down. Continue to be yourself and you will continue to be successful. Don't let someone else's failures bring you down or stop you from pursuing your dreams. Having people dislike you in life is often a sign that you are doing a lot of things correctly, which is why people dislike you. You will never be popular with everyone you meet. People will dislike you, especially if you point out their own shortcomings or failings. That is part of the deal with success. The more successful you become, the more jealous people will become, and thus negative commentary will be directed at you.
Avoid, disengage, disarm, ignore, or cut these haters out of your life as much as possible. However, it is not entirely unavoidable, so when it does occur, don't let the haters stop you from doing what you're doing in life. Continue to be yourself and remind yourself that their comments are based on their own failures and dissatisfaction with life and have nothing to do with you.
Concentrate on relationships that inspire
You can't make everyone happy. There will always be people who are envious or hostile toward you. Everyone, no matter who they are, has detractors. Rather than attempting to persuade these people to like you, devote your time and energy to relationships that are encouraging.
There are many good, positive, and loving people in the world. They show love to others in their relationships by treating others the way they want to be treated. Invest your time and energy in these people because they are extremely valuable in your life.
Haters should be kept at least at arm's length away from you. Don't let the negativity of hateful, jealous people control your life. Choose to surround yourself with people who will encourage and support you in your life endeavors. Encourage those you care about as well. You'll notice that the encouragement and love become more symbiotic, which can be empowering for everyone involved.
You have control over who you allow to have an impact on your life. If you spend a lot of time with someone who is jealous of you, you will not feel uplifted or encouraged. Seek out the relationships in your life that uplift, encourage, and assist you in becoming a positive influence in the world.
Relationships have a lot of power, so make sure yours is built on positivity, encouragement, and love. Ignore the haters and only deal with them when necessary.
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