Nothing looks better on you than self-assurance. We all want to be confident and exude confidence in our daily lives. We frequently seek out the good things in life to boost our confidence—a successful career, a great relationship, a lot of money, making a difference in the world, and being the best we can be.
The irony is that you often have to find your confidence before you can find your success. Feeling confident first allows you to perform at your best.
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The good news is that you can build confidence! The key to your success in all areas of your life is having the confidence to do it, believing that you can and have the ability to do it. We need confidence to get through the highs and lows that life throws at us.
Confidence is not about being fearless; it is about going after what you want despite fear and uncertainty. It's knowing that you can handle yourself in any situation, even if you don't know everything.
So, how do you instill confidence in yourself when you lack it? Here are the five steps to effortlessly exude confidence and become unstoppable:
1. Make Use of Positive Body Language
The body communicates before you do. Your posture has a direct impact on your physiology, which in turn influences your emotions and confidence. Changing your body language is one of the simplest ways to transform your internal state from insecurity to confidence.
Consider a time when you were frustrated, depressed, or tired: How did you hold yourself? How did you keep your head held up? What about your neck? What about your spine? How did you find your breathing?
Consider a time when you felt unstoppable and invincible. How did you hold your body? What was your posture like at the time? Did you make direct eye contact? Did you crack a smile?
Take note of the distinction between the two visual representations of a low-confidence state and a high-confidence state. Now, practice standing tall and confidently. Feel the rush of being unstoppable. Feel how comfortable your body is in that position. Consider how it makes other people look at you more confidently. Get even more confidence from how others perceive you when they see you in that powerful position.
In her 2012 Ted Talk, Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy stated that research shows that standing in a powerful body posture increases testosterone and decreases cortisol hormone release, whereas standing in a weak position decreases testosterone and increases feelings of stress.
She refers to the strong pose as the Wonder Woman pose, in which your hands are on your hips, your back is straight, and your face is held high. This pose, in particular, quickly and effortlessly enhanced the emotions of confidence.
Changing your body posture is one of the quickest ways to boost your confidence and exude confidence, so use it whenever you lack emotional confidence. Remember that changing your body also means changing your mind.
2. Improve Your Thoughts
In general, we spend our days thinking in one of two ways: worry, doubt, and fear, or abundance, love, and gratitude. Confidence is clearly the result of a positive thought pattern.
If our default thought pattern is negative, we must learn how to change it to a pattern of confidence. We can make a conscious choice to shift our internal self-talk by first identifying what it is saying.
Our words elicit emotions, which are then manifested in our actions. When we lack confidence, we can often trace it back to the words we use and the story we tell ourselves.
Your inner dialogue is directly related to your level of confidence. Positive self-talk can assist you in exuding confidence. It should be the first thing you look at when trying to boost your confidence. Simply examine your current emotional state and ask yourself what thoughts brought you there.
When you catch yourself in a negative thought pattern, the key is to shift your focus to the positive aspects of the situation. Is it the situation or your thoughts about the situation that make you feel the worst? What scenario could make this situation more favorable?
By doing so, you will begin to change your internal state, bringing you closer to positivity and confidence in any situation.
3. Recognize Yourself
Knowing your values instills confidence in you. Knowing what you stand for demonstrates your self-assurance. What are your priorities? What causes do you support? If you are unable to express your values clearly, you should engage in a values exercise.
List the five things that are most important to you in life, as well as what you believe you stand for, to better understand what is important to you.
Following are some examples:
- Having an impact
- Having good times
Now, arrange them in ascending order of importance. Simply asking yourself what matters and what you want to stand for gives you clarity on where you spend your time, money, and energy, and helps you avoid the false feeling of missing out on things that don't align with your values.
If you live your life without clear values, you will be constantly questioning what matters, which will drain your confidence or force you to rely on others to give you confidence.
Knowing what you stand for and who you are instantly boosts your self-esteem. It enables you to interact with the outside world while exuding confidence.
Know thyself—knowing who you are gives you the confidence to shine.
Being in the present moment allows you to connect with your gifts and talents. It enables you to make mindful decisions about your thoughts and actions, giving you confidence in what you're doing.
When you are fully present, you can have complete confidence. Being present allows you to let go of the past and create a future filled with the things you desire. You can't be fully confident if you're stuck in the past, especially if you're thinking about a slew of negative situations from the past.
Confidence necessitates a fully present mindset, forgetting the past, focusing on the desired future, and moving forward powerfully in the present moment to obtain what you desire. One of the quickest ways to enter the present moment is to cultivate a mindset known as “Timefulness.”
In my book, The Time Cleanse, I discuss how to use Timefulness to discover not only how you are using your time and relating to time in the present moment, but also how to improve your relationship with it immediately.
To begin, examine your current thoughts and ask yourself, “Am I currently in an antagonistic relationship with time, feeling as if it is being taken from me, or do I feel as if time is on my side, a partner and ally, and that I am using my current time to move towards exactly what I want in exactly the way I want?”
If you find yourself thinking things like “I don't have enough time,” “where did the time go?” or “if time allows,” it's time to change your negative relationship with time to a positive one.
To enter the mindset of timefulness, first acknowledge that time comes from you. You are the creator of your time. You have complete control over what you do with it.
Second, acknowledge that time is your most valuable asset. It has a higher monetary value than gold or diamonds. You require time to do everything you want to do in life.
Third, understand that time is your best friend. Time is your ally, on your side, ready to work for you and assist you in achieving whatever you desire. With the help of time, you will be able to realize all of your dreams.
Finally, be grateful for the time you have in this moment and visualize the positive outcome you will achieve with it. Now, approach the present moment with complete assurance that time is on your side!
5. Discover Self-Compassion
The last thing we need to effortlessly exude confidence is self-compassion. This may appear to be counterintuitive—shouldn't a self-assured person not require compassion? But, in fact, it's the inverse.
A self-assured person can take risks and be courageous in the face of adversity. Self-compassion entails being supportive of oneself in the face of failure, adversity, and challenges.
According to research, self-compassion boosts grit, the ability to recover from a setback, and our willingness to take positive risks.
This is what gives you self-confidence and allows you to exude confidence!
Self-compassion is the secret weapon that enables people to make mistakes and take hits in life, fully recover from them, get back up, and keep moving forward with full confidence.
Simply follow the three steps below to show yourself some self-compassion:
Take a deep breath and become aware of any negative feelings or thoughts.
Recognize that you are not alone. “I'm not alone.” Many others are going through the same thing right now.”
Repeat to yourself kind words and phrases like “may I be supported,” “may I be loved,” “may I be protected,” and “may I be at ease and productive.”
Continue the process with patience, allowing your perceptions to shift away from the current situation. This will help to ground you and stabilize your emotions.
Best of all, if you have a setback, you'll be ready to get back up and play sooner rather than later. There's nothing more assured than that.
Self-compassion does not mean letting yourself off the hook or failing to hold yourself accountable for your actions, results, and performance. This is not awarding yourself a trophy for finishing last. It is about being there for yourself in the same way that a good friend or coach would be in the face of adversity. When the chips are down, it's about taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally. It is bringing your best self to you when you need it the most, as well as increased confidence!
Some people are more self-assured than others. However, this does not preclude some people from exuding confidence. It is something you can learn throughout your life.
Take these 5 simple steps whenever you need a confidence boost, and you'll be able to exude more confidence than ever before!
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