It is not vain to wish for heads to turn when we enter a room. We are hardwired to seek validation from the opposite sex that we are irresistible, and we are hardwired to seek envy from same-sex peers, regardless of age or relationship status.
The good news is that you don't have to win the genetic lottery to stand out.
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Because inner beauty trumps physical beauty, a “average” looking person can be more irresistible than a magazine cover model. People may not remember what you say exactly, but they will remember how you made them feel. You will be perceived as sexy and irresistible to the opposite sex if you make them feel important. You will also have more friends than you can handle.
“Nothing enhances a woman's beauty more than the belief that she is beautiful.” Sophia Loren is one of the most famous actresses of all time.
I'll expand on that quote by including men…
Nothing makes a man more irresistible than his belief in his own irresistibility.
When you believe you are irresistible and employ the strategies outlined below, you will attract people like bees to honey.
1. Take the initiative and approach others first
Don't be afraid to speak up. Approach people at a gathering, especially those who are standing alone. Simply say, “Hello!” Everyone is waiting for someone else to take the first step, so they will think to themselves, “Whew! Finally, someone with whom to converse… I'm not a slacker.” It is also acceptable to approach groups as long as they appear receptive.
Are you confident in taking the initiative? What are you afraid of if you aren't?
How often have you been turned down when you said, “Hello?” If it occurs more frequently than you would like, it is due to a lack of confidence. When you believe in yourself, you gain confidence, and rejections decrease significantly.
2. Make a happy face
Because it is genuine, an eye-candy smile is a turn-on. A phony “Oh…hi” smile is unappealing.
Are your smiles sincere?
3. Make direct eye contact
Wandering eyes indicate a lack of concern. Continuous eye contact gives the other person the impression that they are the most important person in the room.
When the other person is speaking, don't let your eyes wander or look at your phone—unless you've told them ahead of time that you're ‘on-call.'
Have you ever been guilty of turning your head when someone is speaking to you?
It's sexy to have faith in yourself. Can you look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I love you so much, you are amazing?” If you can't, it's likely that you need to heal old emotional scars.
When you don't believe you're lovable and awesome, it's a turn-off. Everyone carries ‘baggage.' You can be a turn-on if you are not your baggage.
Invest in coaches, therapists, and/or personal development programs that can assist you in making peace with your past and gaining the confidence to be the ‘you-est' you.
How certain are you?
Amy Cuddy's TED talk, Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are, is worth watching.
5. Mention their name during a conversation
Your name is the sweetest and most important word to your ear.
How did you feel the last time someone used your name in the middle of a sentence? Probably quite good. Say the person's name in the course of your conversation, especially with new acquaintances. Because very few people do this with new contacts, incorporating their name will make you stand out.
Have you ever tried this strategy? If not, try it and observe their reaction and level of engagement with you.
6. Begin with open-ended questions such as What, How, Why, and Where
Don't be concerned if you're an introvert. You are not required to speak. You simply need to be curious and ask questions because people enjoy talking about themselves.
Begin with the fundamentals. “How did you end up here? What country are you from? “What exactly do you do?”
Then, proceed to the following questions to take the'relationship' to the next level:
- What are your thoughts on that?
- What excites you about your life? What makes you happy?
- What would your life look and feel like if you had a magic wand and could design it exactly how you wanted it? (Deep questions about dreams and aspirations. They'll be thinking, “You're incredible!”)
- Who would you become in this world if you could fully stand in your own power? What makes that so important to you? (This is a superhero question that will make everyone fall in love with you.)
Every response contains the germ of a follow-up question. If they say, “We just raised $100,000 for that charity,” follow up with, “What inspired you to become involved with this charity?”
Have you ever had a deep conversation with a stranger or an acquaintance?
These questions are effective. While eating lunch at a New York City restaurant's bar, I struck up a conversation with a famous NFL football player. I knew his deepest fears and pains within 20 minutes. I had no idea how well-known he was until I Googled him later. Clearly, I am not a football fan.
7. Express your thoughts on a topic brought up by them
This demonstrates that you are actively listening. When we are heard, we feel validated. You've climbed another rung on the irresistible ladder.
8. Be open about your flaws
Share your fears and dreams if the conversation is moving along and it seems appropriate. They may provide you with new insights into how to overcome your fears. They might even know someone who can assist you in realizing your dreams.
9. Introduce them to someone influential in your network
“What is your most important goal for the coming year?” Maybe I can connect you with someone in my network who can help you get what you want.”
They are thinking to themselves, “Wow, you are so awesome.” It's too good to be true that someone genuinely cares about me. What can I do to show my appreciation?”
Because of the Law of Reciprocity, if you give others what they want, you will eventually get what you want.
Who can you put me in touch with?
10. Stay up to date on current events
“What are your thoughts on…”
11. Demonstrate that you are not afraid to take risks
Going outside of your comfort zone is both enticing and motivating. “I went white water rafting…boy, was it thrilling and terrifying!”
The more risks you take, the more rewarding your relationships and opportunities will be. That is why, when meeting new people, it is critical to take risks and go deep. The more they learn about your fearlessness and bravery, the more they will admire you.
If they sense that you are afraid to step outside of your comfort zone, they may perceive you as a bore. Boring people aren't appealing in any way.
What can you do in the next few days that will take you out of your comfort zone?
12. Demonstrate your vision of where you want to go
If you want to leave the world a better place than you found it, you're sexy and exciting. Have objectives and projects in mind. You're boring if you don't have a goal, no interests, and no life.
What actions are you taking to make a difference?
13. Discuss the positive aspects of your life
Negative memories should not be churned in. If you are filled with guilt, shame, and/or worthlessness, your ‘dark cloud' will repel others. Others will be inspired by your story if you have made lemonade out of the ‘lemons' of your negative events.
Happy energy is generated by happy thoughts. Happy energy is magnetic and unstoppable.
Are you over your bad memories? If not, what are you planning to do about it?
14. Don't be so serious about yourself
Make fun of yourself by telling stories about'stupid' things you've done. Laughter produces feel-good chemicals. They will want more of you if you are associated with making others laugh.
15. Maintain contact with your new acquaintances
If you promised to get them information, follow up as soon as possible. If you follow through, you will stand out because very few people do. If you first give others what they want, you will eventually get what you want.
Have you done everything you said you were going to do?
16. Take care of your personal grooming
A book should not be judged by its cover. But the harsh reality is that everyone judges a book by its cover.
You have only three seconds to make a good first impression. It's difficult to change someone's first impression of you later on. So come as your best self.
It's unfortunate that some people don't pay attention to the minor details. Sloppy nails, scuffed shoes, out-of-date clothing, out-of-date hairstyles, and so on. Taking care of yourself on the outside is a sign of low self-esteem. It's off-putting. Do the necessary work to appear presentable.
The phrase ‘no time' is an excuse. We make time for what is important to us. If it is important to you that the outside of you reflects how great you feel about yourself, you will make the time to look decent.
A word to the wise: If you're going bald, the ladies won't mind if you're not bothered by it. Women can tell if you are self-conscious (think comb-over). In the media, there are a lot of sexy, bald men. The ladies are crazy about them.
Use some of these strategies. You will be irresistible to the opposite sex.
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