How to Not Be a Doormat (The Ultimate Guide + Image Quotes)

It stinks to be treated like a doormat.

People using you, treating you like a dogbody, walking all over you, or not thinking about what you want or what's best for you can happen for no apparent reason. The problem is that the more it happens, the more you feel powerless to change it; the more it happens, the smaller you become.

Here are some concrete steps you can take to stop being treated like a doormat and start being treated with dignity.

This post may contain some affiliate links to products that I use and love. If you click through and make a purchase, I’ll earn a commission, at no additional cost to you. Read my full disclosure here.

1. Begin with You

If someone else is undervaluing you, there's a good chance you're doing the same, so change must begin with you. Be brutally honest with yourself: do you believe you deserve to be treated with dignity? Do you believe you are deserving of respect and that you are good enough to fit in?

Change begins with you increasing your self-worth, which can be accomplished in the following ways:

a. Give yourself full credit for your accomplishments—all that you've done and been through in your life.

b. Learn about your values—those threads that run through you and serve as the foundation for who you are.

c. Put your body, mind, and heart first—no one else can keep you nourished and caring for yourself.

(((Instant Book Preview of Quit Being A People Pleasing Doormat!)))

2. Begin teaching others

One of the best quotes I ever heard from Dr. Phil was, “You teach people how to treat you.”

That is exactly correct.

Your reaction to someone's behavior teaches them what is and isn't acceptable, so if you roll over and accept whatever they offer, the message is that it's okay for them to do so. And people will always do what works for them until they have proof that it doesn't or that there is a better way. We're kind of stupid like that.

It is not acceptable for someone to treat you like a doormat on a regular basis. Your task, and I understand how frightening this may appear, is to change your response to begin sending them that message. This does not have to be a big, dramatic showdown; it can be done gently and respectfully. You may be scared, but you know what needs to be done.

As the old adage goes, “help them help you.”

3. Stop acting like a bottomless pit

It's wonderful to do things for other people, unless, of course, the act of doing things for other people is how you get validation.

People-pleasing may begin with the best of intentions, but if you're not careful, you'll keep doing it because you want to see how pleased they are with what you've done or even hear those magic words: “Thank you.” Being a people-pleaser can turn you into a bottomless pit, where others take advantage of you and your self-esteem suffers.

People-pleasing is a selfish act, not a selfless one.

It's a flawed way of feeling good about yourself, so give it up. How can you be more kind to yourself? And how would you feel if you could be generous for others without seeking validation, simply because there is value in the act of giving?

4. Use Self-assurance

If you're used to people walking all over you, you're probably not used to asserting yourself. You may even feel powerless, but I assure you that you have natural confidence that you can use to begin effecting change.

Consider something you do in which the question of whether you can do it or not arises. This could be something you do at home (like cooking a meal, laughing with your partner, or decorating a room), something you do at work (like participating in a meeting, writing a report, or figuring out a solution to a problem), or something you do socially (like chatting with a friend, ordering wine at a restaurant or meeting someone new).

Natural confidence is the ability to trust your actions with implicit faith in your abilities, so that when you're doing something, there's no doubt about your ability to do it—you have complete confidence. Applying that same sense of confidence to a new situation allows you to operate right on the edge, or just outside of your comfort zone, which will feel uncomfortable.

That feeling of discomfort is not the enemy, and it does not imply a lack of confidence; it simply indicates that you are in a new environment. Believe in your ability to do what is best for you.

5. You Aren't Alone

If you have been subjected to ill-treatment for a long time, you may feel isolated in your experience; therefore, talking about it, or even asking for support or assistance, can be extremely beneficial and important. Other people are going through the same thing you are, and you don't have to go through it alone.

Asking someone you trust to talk about what's going on is not only a great way to unload a little, but it may also allow you to take a step back long enough to see a new perspective or another way out. You don't need anyone to fix your problems, so don't let that be your motivation here—the point is to connect with another human being so that you can be supported through this.

Consider this: if a good friend of yours was going through the same thing, wouldn't you want to know about it and help them achieve something better?

6. Raise Your Standards

A simple life is one thing, but burying your head in the sand and expecting things to magically improve is insane—as is expecting to be treated like a doormat. Lowering your expectations to that level comes at a high cost, and the act of lowering your expectations and accepting bad treatment can be more damaging in the long run than the bad treatment itself.

Never, ever make assumptions about what you should put up with or expect. If you're going to have expectations about how things should go, base them on what you'd like to see happen rather than what you'd prefer not to happen.

7. If Everything Else Fails

If you've done everything you can to change things and stop being treated like a doormat and nothing seems to be working, it's time to leave. Life is far too short to have someone else ruin your experience of it and your self-esteem, and sometimes you have to make a brave choice.

If necessary, be willing to remove yourself from the situation or relationship and begin building the life you want to live.

8. You are Deserving of Better

You don't have to “keep going,” and you don't have to put up with being treated like a doormat.

You deserve better, so start now.

Related Posts

Reasons to Be in a Relationship: While single life has its perks, there are plenty of reasons to be in a relationship. Did you know it's healthier to be in a relationship? It's true! Being in a relationship makes you feel less lonely and protect you from depression. Also, it's fun to bounce ideas off of someone when you're in a relationship. Plus, apart from the romantic aspect of being in a relationship, you've got the profound friendship you have with your partner. For instance, you have someone to have fun with at parties or go to movies or concerts with. You'll have time to yourself when you need it. These are just some of the reasons why being in a relationship is so great! Is there any reason you shouldn't be in one? Read more.

Questions to Ask Yourself Everyday: What kind of success and happiness do you want to achieve in your life? What's your short term goal? What's your long term goal? Ask yourself these questions every day and you'll feel motivated. Read more.

Inspirational Life Lessons: It's easy to feel uninspired when faced with challenges, but it's important to recognize the important moments in life to cherish. You'll enjoy life more if you're able to appreciate life lessons that come with struggling through challenges. Even if you do not succeed at first, there is always plenty that you can learn. You can find wisdom in failure. You can find strength in not giving up. So, keep trying! Read more.

Why You Should Never Give Up: For some people, giving up is not an option. While it's easy to give up on something, there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn't. You shouldn't give up because it will make you feel better about yourself. We all have something we want to do, someone we want to be. There is a sense of pride in us for not giving up on ourselves. It also teaches you something about yourself. Giving up is an option, but it's not the right option. It's easy to give up, but it takes courage to stick to it. Giving up doesn't teach you anything. Sticking with something can teach you how to work through tough times, how to find the right solutions, and how to work well with others. It can give you the tools to be successful. Read more.

Signs of an Arrogant Person: Arrogance can sometimes get to a person's head, causing them to put their foot in their mouth. Signs of an Arrogant Person 1.) Believing that they are superior to other people 2.) Thinking that they are above consequences 3.) Not accepting blame when they make a mistake 4.) Constantly feeling like they need to give in and let others in. Read more.

↓Free Ebook↓

You have heard it all before: "Live life to the fullest", "follow your dreams", "be who you are" and "if it is meant to be, it will be". These are all wonderful quotes that are meant to help you live a happy life but they miss the point. Our lives are interconnected with each other and with the world.

No matter how hard you think you try, there’s always going to be a certain level of stress in your life. And when stress gets out of hand, it can start to negatively affect your life. But this doesn’t have to be the case. There are some easy steps you can take to improve your life in the long run, and we’ve found a few that can help you enjoy a better life and get rid of stress.

Free Ebook