Living With a Liar and How They Affect Your Mental Health

Nobody enjoys a liar. It doesn't take a statistic to know that. Most of the time, spotting a liar is simple, and we can easily disassociate ourselves from that person. However, the person who lies, and lies frequently, is sometimes a relative. While everyone lies at some point, trying to love someone who lies on a regular basis can be difficult. This means they lie almost instinctively.

A chronic liar is a compulsive liar who lies as a natural way of responding to questions. Most of the time, the lies are meaningless, and it can be difficult to understand why they felt compelled to tell one. Chronic liars, thankfully, are not dangerous or manipulative, but they are certainly annoying.

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When there is love involved, it can be difficult to detect

Sometimes a person's lies are so grandiose that it's obvious he or she is lying. Other times, because you are so personally involved, it can be difficult to detect. It can provide an escape from discomfort and help the person doing the lying feel safe. More specifically, chronic lying is often a symptom of a personality disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder.

A confrontation may seem like the right thing to do if you suspect a loved one is lying, but it can be tricky. In fact, there isn't much point in doing so because they will most likely continue to lie and the strained relationship will worsen. When you are hesitant to confront someone you suspect is lying, you may begin to feel paranoid and wonder if you are being overly suspicious. In this scenario, no relationship can exist.

It's as if you don't value the truth

It's not just frustrating when you're in love with or related to a chronic liar; it's also hurtful. It can make you feel as if you aren't worth the truth, which has ramifications in all aspects of a relationship. Furthermore, trusting that person becomes impossible because you know he/she lies compulsively. Chronic lying is an addictive behavior that provides comfort for the liar, but it causes pain and confusion for the person being lied to. A healthy relationship is extremely difficult to achieve as a result of these factors.

Though it may provide a release for the liar, being lied to will never feel comforting. In fact, it can make you so jaded that you begin to wonder if everyone is deceiving you. It can make you feel insane and helpless.

(((Instant Book Preview of Liars, Leakers, and Liberals)))

What to do about a habitual liar

Obviously, severing ties with a family member is the last thing you want to do, but you may have no choice. Fortunately, that is the worst-case scenario. Before you get there, the steps below may help you deal with the situation.

Self-Education

You won't be able to approach or confront a chronic liar unless you understand it. Don't worry, you don't need a psychology degree, but you should conduct some research. You will be able to converse with a chronic liar more easily if you understand what motivates them.

Begin Small

When speaking with a chronic liar, do not immediately confront them about major lies they have told in the past. Instead, pay close attention to the details of the exchange and pause the conversation to inquire about a detail you suspect is a lie.

Offer Assistance

Talk to the person about therapy if you are close to them. Politely suggest that they seek assistance in addressing their need to be dishonest. Don't push if they say no at first! Be patient and try again another time.

Be Consistent

Keep in mind that this individual did not become a chronic liar overnight. As a result, they will not become honest overnight. Show the person that you genuinely want to help them by being patient, kind, and gracious.

Take Note

While it may appear to be a terrible thing to do, keeping a journal or even notes on your phone can help you confront the lying loved one later on (and in detail). This is not intended to give you complete control and make the liar feel small, but rather to provide an accurate and detailed account of the lies he/she has told in order to potentially demonstrate how outrageous they are.

(((Instant Book Preview of Liar)))

Keep the Love in Mind

When the chronic liar is a family member or spouse, it is all too easy to focus solely on how aggravating it is that they lie all the time. Unfortunately, neither of you will benefit from this. Concentrate on the relationship rather than the rage. If you truly want to make the relationship work, you must focus on the quality of the relationship rather than the number of lies.

They should be ignored

Here's the thing: when a chronic liar is speaking, it's usually difficult to pay attention. You know half of what they're saying is nonsense, so why bother listening? Sure, we're supposed to be considerate of others and listen to what they have to say, but no one advises you to entertain a liar. You don't have to respect them if they aren't going to respect you. To be sure, this isn't an invitation to be cruel to them; rather, it's an opportunity to tune out the ridiculous claims.

Examine the Pattern

If your loved one says something you know is false, politely ask if the story is as true as the story about [insert similarly false story here]. They will have two options: admit to the lie or try to convince you that both stories are true. Stay calm even if they choose the latter option. You can still let them know you're on to them without being mean.

All of these suggestions are completely unbiased. When you're in a relationship with someone who lies as easily as they breathe, it's difficult to be patient, offer assistance, and ignore them. The most important thing you can do, however, is to respect yourself.

If you discover that the relationship is so toxic that it is affecting you even when you are not with the liar, you may need to cut ties. While no one ever wants to end a relationship with a relative, spouse, or other loved one, it is sometimes the only way out. If this is the case for you, don't feel guilty about it. It isn't quitting if you did everything you thought you could to make the relationship work. Instead, it is about respecting yourself enough to maintain your mental health.

Final Thoughts

Don't be afraid to seek solace from other, truthful relatives. Remember that you aren't the only one who speaks to the chronic liar, which means you aren't the only one who suffers as a result of the dishonesty. Don't suffer alone, and don't let yourself go insane or paranoid. You deserve the truth, and you deserve to be happy.

(((Instant Book Preview of Liar in Your Life, The)))

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