When you married, I'm sure you never imagined in a million years asking yourself, “What if my husband hates me?” ”
People expect their spouse to love them, treat them well, be their best friend, and live happily ever after when they walk down the aisle. Then, one day (like today), you find yourself looking for a solution to a problem you had no idea existed.
But how did you end up here?
What Causes Resentment and Hatred in a Relationship?
How did this happen? While every couple is different, there are some things that can cause a lot of resentment (and even hatred) in a marriage. Let us look at a few of them.
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When someone marries, many people, especially men, think, “Ahhhh…I'm married! I don't have to work on this relationship any longer! ”
In other words, they become sluggish.
When you're dating, men are more likely to do the chasing. It's just biologically wired into some people. However, once they believe they “have you,” all of their efforts seem to vanish.
But just because a lot of men are neglectful doesn't mean you haven't neglected your husband as well. It could be in any aspect of your relationship – sex, love, attention, friendship, etc. Examine your actions to see if you have neglected him in any way.
Relationships require both parties to participate. It is impossible for one person to do all of the giving while the other person does all of the taking. If this is the case, it creates a dangerous imbalance between the two people.
When one person is selfish, resentment grows on the part of the other. Nobody enjoys being a doormat and being taken advantage of.
Cheating used to be fairly straightforward. In other words, you either cheated or you didn't. However, in this day and age, there is a lot of gray area when it comes to cheating, and it isn't just physical cheating.
Sure, when it comes to defining it, sexual cheating is at the top of most people's lists. However, emotional infidelity can be just as damaging to a marriage as physical infidelity, if not more so.
Cheating erodes trust, whether it happens gradually over time or as if a bomb is dropped. In either case, it has the potential to foster long-term resentment, if not hatred.
Abuse can also take many different forms. Yes, if someone hits you, it is clearly abuse. However, it is not necessary to have a black eye or a broken bone for something to be considered abuse.
Abuse occurs when someone calls you names, criticizes you, or tells you negative things about
Abuse will almost always result in resentment and hatred in a marriage.
How to Determine If Your Spouse Dislikes You
Now that we've covered some of the factors that can lead to resentment and hatred in a marriage, let's take a look at some of the warning signs that your spouse may despise you.
1. You are constantly fighting
Disagreements and conflict aren't always bad in a relationship. It is unrealistic to expect two people to get along and agree on everything.
However, fighting unfairly and frequently is always a bad thing. For example, if one or both of you feel the need to fight in order to win an argument and be “right,” that is a very unhealthy way to be in a relationship. If fighting is the foundation of your marriage, it is a sign that one (or both) of you despises the other.
2. He hardly ever makes an effort in the marriage
Neglect is closely related to this. If he isn't putting forth any effort in the marriage, he is neglecting you. It could be because he “hates” you, but it could also be because he “dislikes” you.
He should be nice to you, keep your friendship, be romantic, and a good partner. However, if you feel like he's just your roommate (and possibly not even a friendly one), that's not a good sign. He may be on the verge of giving up – or has already done so.
3. You don't have a lot of sex (If at All)
Physical intimacy distinguishes a friendship from a romantic relationship/marriage. That may seem obvious, but many people find themselves in loveless, sexless marriages.
So, if you can't remember the last time the two of you touched each other other than to hand them something in the kitchen, your marriage's intimacy is most likely gone. When people are married to someone they no longer like, they will not want to have sex with them.
4. He is oblivious to your existence
No one should take anyone for granted in an ideal world. However, it appears to happen on a regular basis.
It's sometimes just human nature. We become accustomed to the status quo and expect things to remain constant. But, if you think about it, anything or anyone can be taken away from us at any time. So, if you feel used and unappreciated, it could be a sign that he resents or even despises you.
5. You suspect he's been unfaithful to you
When a person is resentful of their spouse, they are more likely to look elsewhere if given the opportunity. Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying this is acceptable. In fact, it isn't. Turning away from the marriage does nothing to improve it and only serves to destroy it.
However, if your spouse harbors resentment toward you, it will be easier for them to justify their cheating. If they no longer love you, they are unlikely to feel as guilty as they would if they did.
6. He is abusive mentally, emotionally, and/or physically
Abuse is NEVER acceptable. Never, ever, ever. No one deserves to be abused, no matter how horrible you were to someone.
It does, however, happen. A mentally ill person is more likely to become an abuser. They became that way for a variety of reasons in their past that may or may not be related to you. You could be a part of it, but if you're being abused, it could mean that, among other things, he resents you for something. But that doesn't make it any better.
What to Do If You Believe Your Husband Despises You
If, after reading all of this, you still believe your spouse despises you, there are a few things you can try. Remember that returning from the brink of hatred is not easy. It is possible, but it will take a lot of effort from both parties.
1. Determine if you want to make it work (or Not)
If you truly believe that your husband despises you, you need to have a long talk with yourself. Do you even want to be here? Why would you want to stay in a marriage where there is nothing but hatred? Before you make any other decisions, figure out what you want.
2. Speak with Him
You may have not had a genuine, honest, or healthy conversation with him in years. And perhaps you've never really discussed the state of your marriage. But if you want to save your marriage, you need to talk about it. It won't be easy if he harbors such resentment toward you, but you must do it.
3. Make a Strategy
After you've spoken with him, devise a strategy. Depending on how the conversation progressed, one of two things most likely occurred. He either stated that he wants to try to work it out or that he does not. If he does not, the decision will be made for you. But if he does, you must seek assistance.
4. Seek professional help
Many people, particularly men, believe that seeing a therapist is a sign of weakness. However, this is not the case. Strong people seek assistance! So, try to persuade him to seek professional help. If you can afford it, it's probably best if you get both individual and couples counseling.
5. If Divorce Is Necessary
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, a marriage simply cannot be saved. It's sad, but it's sometimes better to just move on with your lives separately than to stay in a hate-filled marriage. That way, you and your partner can begin a new life filled with love and happiness.
Nobody wants to be in a bad marriage. That is not the intention of the institution of marriage. So, I hope you will make the decision to prioritize your happiness because when you are happy, the rest of your life will follow suit. It's not selfish; it's self-love, and it's where happiness and contentment begin.
Why Am I So Passive: Passive people are often several key things. They are people pleasers, they avoid confrontation, they are naturally quiet, they are often shy, they are people who are afraid of making mistakes, they are afraid of being judged, etc. Introverts are more passive people. So are people who are shy. So are people who are naturally quiet. So are people who are naturally submissive. So are people who are naturally agreeable. If there's anything to take away from this, it's that natural personality traits are not good or bad. You can have a personality trait that makes you passive, but there are still other traits about you that are strong. It's all about balance. Read more.
Is the Relationship Worth It: It's natural to want to be valued by your partner. It's okay to feel upset when you think your partner isn't treating you the way you feel you should be. There are, however, steps you can take to ensure that you will be happy in the future. First, you need to determine if the relationship is worth it. If you aren't happy with your partner, you can feel better about yourself by ending the relationship. On the other hand, if you are happy with your partner, you need to resolve your disagreement with them to make sure you make it work. It's important to communicate with the person to make sure you are both on the same page. If you are, you're more likely to have a long lasting relationship. Read more.
Childhood Best Friends: Many people have best friends they have had since childhood. These are people you will have a friendship with throughout your life. These are unique friendships. You will know them your entire life. You may not talk to them for months, but when you do, you pick up where you left off. These are friends that are there for you during all your life's changes. They are the ones that will adjust to your schedule. They are there for you during all your major life events. You know that no matter what, these are the people that will always be there for you. Read more.
Nice Person: I am a nice person. I help people in need. I am very patient when someone is in distress. I will give someone an hour to figure something out when they are having trouble. I will never hurt someone intentionally. I will always try to see things from other people's perspective in order to understand them better. I am proactive in my life. I will do what is right. I do not even consider hurting others in any way. I will not do anything that will make me feel ashamed. I never judge anyone. I know everyone is on their own journey on this planet. I will live with love and compassion. Read more.
Friend Dad: Dad, There are a lot of things I'm going to miss about you. But the one I'm going to miss the most is your friendship. Today I will be taking an important step in my life, and you're the one I'm taking it with. You're the one that encouraged me to do it. You're the one that pushed me to take it. You're the one that helped me the most and the only person I could ask for advice and help. Thanks Dad, not just for today but for all of your advice and support throughout the years. I love you! You're amazing! Read more.
You have heard it all before: "Live life to the fullest", "follow your dreams", "be who you are" and "if it is meant to be, it will be". These are all wonderful quotes that are meant to help you live a happy life but they miss the point. Our lives are interconnected with each other and with the world.
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