Building a successful relationship necessitates hard work. There are numerous life situations that can arise and put your partnership's strength and unity to the test. Having compatible core values will give you the strength and camaraderie you need to navigate those stumbling blocks together.
Consider a passenger boarding a train. Assume the train is on its way to San Diego and the passenger wishes to travel to Sacramento. The passenger will be disappointed when he realizes he has arrived in San Diego rather than his intended destination. To travel successfully, both the train and the passenger must be traveling in the same direction.
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The same can be said for relationships. For you and your partner to feel safe, protected, connected, and comfortable, to name a few, you and your partner must share similar core beliefs.
So, what are the values of a relationship? They are the guiding principles that govern your behavior; they are your personal perspective, not only on yourself, but also on others and the world. Core values serve as the foundation for how you live your life.
When discussing your relationship values with your partner, make sure they have substance. Here are ten essential core values for a happy relationship:
This core value takes precedence over all others. It is the bedrock of your relationship. You have nothing if you don't have trust. According to a study published in Strategic Psychology,
“In both our personal and professional lives, trust is essential to happy and fulfilling relationships. To build successful and meaningful partnerships, we need trust to develop over time.”
You and your partner must have complete faith in each other. You must be confident that they will have your back, that you will have theirs, and that if children are involved, their welfare will take precedence over all else.
You and your beloved can have a successful relationship. How? I have faith in both of you to always do your best for the sake of the relationship. If you truly trust your partner, and they trust you, you will be able to overcome any obstacle that stands in your way.
If you're trying to build trust in a relationship, this article can help.
This core value is critical and goes hand in hand with trust. Being loyal and having a loyal partner ensures that you are both on the same team. Relationship Advice suggests: What Is Loyalty in a Relationship?
“Loyalty is knowing that you are completely devoted to each other. That all of your decisions and choices have been made with your partner and the impact on your relationship in mind. Your dedication is unwavering, and your bond is unbreakable.”
You're on the right track if you and your honey are dependable and true to each other above all else. Otherwise, it could be a warpath. I once saw a couple in which one of the partners lacked the loyalty “chip.”
He was devoted to his family, but not to his wife. His family came first and foremost in his mind. This obviously did not sit well with his wife. His parents had to have the final say in major decisions, and when they made disparaging remarks about his wife, he did not defend her.
He remained silent and let her take their verbal thrashing. This isn't being faithful to your partner. Loyalty is an essential core value for the long-term health and survival of your relationship.
Your love will thrive in the best possible way if you are loyal to each other. Isn't that the goal of every happy relationship?
In this article, you'll find more advice on how to build loyalty: How to Increase Loyalty in a Relationship
This fundamental value is critical, especially if you intend to raise children together. Many people place a high value on religion.
Regardless of the difficulties, you may decide that your partner's different faith is unimportant. Kelsey Dallas writes in her article Why Religious Compatibility Matters in Relationships,
“Religious differences do not always spell the end of a relationship, but they can cause disagreements and tensions. According to religion and romance experts, religiously mixed couples should be proactive in addressing the role faith will play in their family life.”
Religious differences may not be the end of a relationship, but what about the effects on your children, if you have them? How are you going to raise them? Will you allow them to make their own decisions when they are old enough? Or will you say, “The children must be raised Christian/Muslim.” And that's the end of it!?”
Even if the couple comes to the same conclusion, there is the issue of extended family to consider. If they are deeply involved in their religion—the one you were raised in—they may expect their grandchildren to be as well, and may put undue pressure on them to do so.
If it's important to you, make sure you talk about it and that you're both on the same page. And if you are, you are adding another pillar to your already strong partnership.
Growing up, you may have wished to marry, have children, and have extended family nearby. That has always been one of your core values. But what if your partner doesn't want children and wants to move to Africa to study elephants? You're not going to make it very far. Family is an extremely important value that both of you must share.
I knew a couple who decided they didn't want to have children at first. Everything went swimmingly until the wife decided she wanted children after all. Unfortunately, her husband had not changed his mind.
A decision had to be made. Did she abandon her husband of 12 years in order to meet another man, fall in love, and then have children? Or did she stay with the man she loved and abandon her dream of starting a family? She chose the latter, but it came at a high cost.
Decide early on what your family values are. Do you want to be close to your extended family? How frequently do you intend to visit? Do you want to start your own family? How many, if any? If this core value is not shared, your relationship may come to an end.
Bryan Zitzman, Ph.D, LMFT, writes in his article Family Values: What are family values and why are they important,
“In the end, your family values will be unique to you and your family unit. They represent the ways you want your family life to be lived, and they may have been passed down through multiple generations over the years. Knowing what a family values–both the nuclear family and the extended family–can help strengthen bonds between family members. Because they have a set of beliefs to guide them, family values help children and young men and women make good decisions.”
When you and your partner share this core value, it can be very rewarding, bringing you closer together and expanding on what you already have.
Without a doubt, this core value is critical to the growth and success of your relationship. According to Saminu Abass in his article 3 Benefits of Effective Communication,
“Living together as husband and wife (or any romantic partnership) can only work if there is an effective flow of information back and forth between the couple.”
Communicating with each other will bring you closer together and allow you to get to know each other as thoroughly as possible. If you prefer to keep things to yourself, believing that no one, not even your partner, needs to know about your business, and your partner enjoys discussing every emotion, the relationship will most likely fail.
Perhaps you are the type of person who prefers to process situations before discussing them, whereas your partner prefers to discuss them right away. That's fine. It can still work as long as you both want to keep the lines of communication open. You and your honey can schedule a time to discuss and resolve the issue(s). The issue arises when there is no conversation at all.
Remember to share the good news as well. Communicating with one another is an investment in your relationship. Your relationship will benefit whenever you share a piece of yourself and your life, and you will be rewarded with increased intimacy.
6. Way of life
You enjoy going hiking every weekend, while your friend prefers to stay at home and binge-watch New Amsterdam. Every relationship requires a certain way of life.If you and your partner like to do different things all the time, spending only a few minutes a week together, your relationship is less likely to thrive.
I'm not saying you have to be attached at the hip, but it's a good idea to spend quality time together. If you are an outdoorsman and your partner is a homebody, or if you enjoy going out to party every weekend and your partner sits in the corner counting the minutes until they can go home, that could be a stumbling block.
It is essential that you do things together as a couple; that you enjoy doing the same things. However, even if you enjoy chasing tornadoes and your spouse enjoys taking walks in the park, your relationship can still function perfectly well. Just make sure that the majority of your other core values are in order.
This fundamental value is essential in all relationships. Trudy Adams writes in her article TBH: 5 Reasons Why Honesty is Important, ”
“There is no foundation for a lasting or enjoyable relationship in any context, whether with a family member, friend, or romantic interest, unless there is honesty.” Sincerity is a voice for love that fosters trust. Without it, even saying ‘I love you' becomes a lie, and there is no real security in the relationship.”
The value of honesty is immeasurable. When you and your partner are honest with each other; when you both believe that honesty is the only way to maintain your relationship, you are expressing how important your union is to you.
If you and your partner are both honest with each other, you are elevating your relationship to new heights. You're not playing a guessing game; you both know where you stand, and that's the best way to grow together.
Honesty can be awkward at times, especially if what you have to say is difficult, but in the long run, it is preferable to concealment, which can cause irreparable harm.
If you and your partner share this beautiful core value, your relationship is likely to thrive in the best way possible.
You may be wondering what self-discipline has to do with this list. Allow me to explain. Assume you get up every morning at 5:00 a.m. to exercise. You are self-disciplined in your eating habits, keep your home clean, and postpone gratification for future benefits.
You hold self-discipline in high regard. But what if your partner consistently presses the snooze button in the morning? What if he doesn't get out of bed until 9:00 a.m., then rushes out the door with a bag of chips? What would your reaction be? In this situation, resentment could easily fester.
It is critical in this arena to share similar core values in order to avoid constant squabbles.
If you, as the self-disciplined partner, don't care about your partner's habits, it could work; however, if you're highly self-disciplined, you're likely to expect the same from your mate.
Self-improvement is a term used to describe the process of improving oneself.
We were told that many marriages ended in divorce during this phase of the program when I was working on my Master's Degree. It was then explained to us that if one partner is on the path of learning and self-improvement while the other remains stagnant, the couple's gap may widen.
Consider this a red flag if you are constantly striving to be the best version of yourself and your mate is unwilling to go beyond the knowledge he or she acquired in high school.
It's natural to want to share what you've learned when you discover something new. And who better to do it with than your partner? If they are uninterested, you may experience disappointment and frustration.
You'll be on your way to a successful relationship if you both learn and grow together.
I recommend Mel Robbins' blog post, You're Growing, But the People in Your Life Aren't, for more information on the role of self-improvement in relationships. What You Can Do Is As Followed. She offers some helpful suggestions for balancing self-improvement and growth with your partner.
In order for your relationship to thrive, you must share similar financial thoughts and goals. If one of your core values is to save money for a rainy day and your partner's is to throw it away like it grows on trees, it will wreak havoc on the most fundamental aspects of your relationship.
Financial infidelity, according to Dave Ramsey, jeopardizes the future of your relationship.
If you or your partner make major financial decisions without consulting the other, it demonstrates a total disregard for the relationship's economy and the relationship itself.
Your core financial values must be the same, or both the saver and the spender will be frustrated. Yoki Noguchi writes in her article, Keeping Money Secrets From Each Other.
10. The Rise
“While marital infidelity is well-known, financial infidelity may be more common. According to a few academic studies, up to 41% of American adults admit to concealing accounts, debts, or spending habits from their spouse or partner.”
If you don't share the same core financial values, it will almost certainly lead to lying on the part of the partner who is responsible for the financial infidelity. The deception will result in broken trust and feelings of betrayal. This is extremely difficult to repair.
Make certain that you and your honey share the same core financial values. This will build a stronger relationship and a future in which both of you, working together, will determine your financial future and all that it entails.
Core values are deeply held convictions. These beliefs shape how you live your life and interact with others. Having a significant other who shares those beliefs is a wonderful complement to the relationship and the foundation of strong unions.
Having said that, your core values may shift throughout your life. When you're twenty, you may have one set of values, and then encounter situations that change those values when you're in your thirties, forties, and beyond. Still, whatever changes occur must be in sync with those of your partner in order for your relationship to succeed.
If you enjoyed learning about core values, please share this article and some of your relationship's core values.
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