It is said that timing is everything. And “they” are correct.
We live our lives trying to make the best decisions possible. We are constantly bombarded with information telling us that we are flawed and that we must strive for success. Whether it is how our bodies and faces appear and how we must maintain our youth despite the natural process of aging; how we dress; how much money we earn; where we live; and what commodities and material possessions we can accumulate.
Popular culture tells us that we must work extremely hard and use all of the resources at our disposal in order to reach our full potential, the pinnacle of success and superiority. Nobody aspires to be average, to do just enough, or to simply exist. So, when we believe we have made the wrong decision or have missed out on something we believe we are entitled to, we experience a sense of loss that is difficult to overcome. This can apply to a job opportunity or promotion, the purchase of a property or commodity, or even relationships. When things don't go as planned, meeting the right person at the wrong time can be life-changing. It can have a long-term impact on us, reappearing when we least expect it and preventing us from moving on. When we meet the right person at the
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wrong time, we feel as if we have missed out on something good.
Psychologists refer to the grief of missing out, or “Fear Of Missing Out,” more recently and popularly known as “FOMO,” as “unfinished business.” When all of the factors do not come together to produce the desired outcome, we do not get what we want for one reason or another, which causes feelings of loss, grief, regret, and even hostility. We focus on the negative feelings as a security blanket instead of letting go and moving on with our lives because they are the only connection we have to the elusive thing that has slipped through our fingers.
When we meet someone who appears to be ideal, it is natural to want to connect with that person and form a relationship with them. Those feelings could be reciprocated, and we could even start an intimate relationship. However, if that seemingly perfect person appears at the wrong time, either for us or for them, the relationship is doomed to fail. Even if all of the other boxes are checked; attraction, values, life goals, geography; if the timing is off, neither party has control over the situation and must accept the reality.
It's difficult to accept, but meeting someone at the wrong time indicates that he or she is the wrong person.
If you meet the right person at the wrong time, they are almost certainly the wrong person. The right person does not only need to fulfill the criteria of your desires and vice versa; if two people are heading in opposite directions, if one person is more ready than the other to settle down, or is dealing with their own unfinished business and lacks the capacity to meet the needs of the relationship at that time, then the relationship will end. Timing is everything; it is the one factor that ensures the longevity, prosperity, and success of a relationship.
Dealing with unfinished business when you believe you met the right person at the wrong time, causing them to be the wrong person, can be confronting and painful. The struggle is real, and you will feel a range of emotions that may leave you feeling confused and depressed.
To move on and meet the right person, learn from this wrong person's relationship.
The key to coping and moving forward is not only communicating with the person in order to resolve issues between you both and deal with the deterioration and cessation of the relationship, but also doing your own individual purging of feelings by confronting your grief, extracting the lessons, and moving forward. Writing a letter to the person, whether or not they read it, is one useful exercise to consider.
Here are some other approaches to resolving unfinished business when we encounter the right person at the wrong time:
Keep the good memories close to your heart; you don't have to forget them.
Good relationships, like any great experience, can be fleeting, but that doesn't make them any less meaningful. When you have to let go of someone, it makes your time with them even more meaningful, especially because it was so brief. Instead of dwelling on the negatives and the fact that it had to end, spend your time reflecting on the good times.
Don't let go of your ideals; stick to what you want.
When you meet the person you believe to be the right one at the wrong time, it is tempting to change yourself and your goals in order to fit into the criteria that you believe will keep the relationship alive. You are setting yourself up to fail, and eventually, the true you and your truest needs will resurface, and you will have accomplished nothing but wasting your and the other person's time. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be honest with yourself about your desires, life goals, and where you are in life. Regardless of what you think you're missing out on, you can't go wrong if you stay true to yourself.
Feeling the bitterness allows you to recover faster.
It is acceptable to be sad, angry, resentful, perplexed, or even bitter. All emotions are valid, and denying them only exacerbates them. Life is full of ups and downs, and the notion that everything will always be smooth sailing is false and fabricated by the aforementioned manufactured ideals we receive from popular culture. When we experience loss, which is unavoidable, we feel most alive and connect deeply with our humanity. It is part of the human condition to know and feel, and thus to grieve. We want to protect ourselves from this pain and disappointment, and we want to make the best decisions we can to avoid unnecessary hurt, but not everything is under our control, and we only learn this information and the tools to make better decisions through bitter experience. Accept it.
Make a firm decision to leave behind anything that does not serve you.
It takes character strength and emotional maturity to be willing and determined to walk away from something we really want but can't have. Unless you're a toddler, you need to learn that you can't have everything you want in life. What's the point of that? Trying to force a situation or a relationship that isn't working out is simply counterproductive, if not destructive.
Meeting the right person at the wrong time provides an opportunity to learn these life lessons, and most people, with hindsight, can appreciate why things evolved the way they did. We can look back and see that, while things did not go as planned at the time, they were ultimately better for us.
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You have heard it all before: "Live life to the fullest", "follow your dreams", "be who you are" and "if it is meant to be, it will be". These are all wonderful quotes that are meant to help you live a happy life but they miss the point. Our lives are interconnected with each other and with the world.
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