It's pitiful and pointless. And very inconvenient for the rest of us innocent bystanders
To be honest, we're sick of your whining, complaining, anger, victim mentality, and inability to see that your current attitude (not some historical event) is your biggest problem. We're also tired of you blaming your parents for your (current) bad behavior. You are the only thing standing in your way of success right now. Not your parents, not your family history, but you. And the fact that you believe THEY have sabotaged your life and are somehow to blame for your (current) stupid behavior and unfavorable outcomes smacks of denial, immaturity, and delusion.
Yes, we all understand that your childhood, or parts of it, were terrible – welcome to the world's largest club.
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We also understand that your grandfather was a completely insensitive, uncommunicative * percent #@* at times. Unfortunately, that is what (many) fathers do. And, yes, we know your mother was a selfish jerk when you were in the eighth (and ninth, and tenth) grades; it happens.
Okay, let's be honest and direct… Some parents are dreadful. And, yes, many of us have been hurt by our parents – physically, emotionally, and/or psychologically. I'm not saying you should deny your past, but I'm saying you shouldn't live there. It's going to kill you. In ten distinct ways. For the last few decades, some people have been living in the 1970s and 1980s and reliving their childhood.
No matter how much you believe your parents deserve your rage, vitriol, and resentment, I'm here to tell you that (1) it serves no positive purpose, (2) it will hurt you more than them, (3) stop being a big, immature, stupid baby, and (4) you and only you are responsible for your current reality – regardless of what your parents have or haven't done to or for you.
Even if you have a very good'reason' to be eternally irritated with your parents, I say let it go. Continue your journey. And it isn't about what they deserve or don't deserve; it is about what you deserve. If you want to squish your potential, enthusiasm, optimism, and hope, become a chronic Parent Blamer. Hold on to that pain no matter what!
Or you could save yourself some serious time and pain by simply believing me when I say that being a Parent Blamer is a pointless, destructive, and pathetic waste of your potential and emotional energy. And, if you're not careful, it can be a waste of your life. It will annihilate you from the inside out. It is true that some people will die with angry, bitter, resentful, and tortured souls because they never found a way to let go of their self-perpetuated – read that again, self-perpetuated – misery. When you're desperately clinging to emotional baggage from years ago, you're the problem. When you're twenty-five, thirty-five, or fifty-five and you're still thinking, talking, and acting like a teenager who's upset with their parents, it's time for a reality check.
The only thing you can change about your past is how you react to it now
You might want to reread that
I've worked with people who have blamed their parents for everything from poor communication skills, dysfunctional relationships, destructive habits, and violent behavior to their fat body and poor eating habits over the years. What!!! Do you think you don't have a brain in your head? Are you unable to think for yourself? Can't you make your own decisions, choose your own behaviors, and accept responsibility for your own existence? You must be feeding yourself these days, right? You must have some control over what comes out of your mouth, don't you? And you can certainly choose to do, be, and create something different in your world.
Maybe your parents taught you not to be?
Let me begin by saying that I completely understand that your parents were not always the best parents they could have been for you as a child (caring, supportive, forgiving, understanding, loving, available, guiding, honest). You have my condolences and understanding, but you are not alone. You are in the vast majority. The issue with parents is that they are flawed, and the whole ‘being human' thing gets in the way of parental perfection. If only parents could be cyborgs.
Today's article is the result of an unusually large number of recent conversations I've had with people who are adamant about blaming their parents for every aspect of their own miserable and dysfunctional existence. The vitriol, anger, resentment, and, dare I say, absolute hatred that people hold onto (for decades) astounds and saddens me.
The parental blame game is a dangerous path of self-pity, self-destruction, and futility that far too many people take to their own detriment. It's a game you should avoid.
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You have heard it all before: "Live life to the fullest", "follow your dreams", "be who you are" and "if it is meant to be, it will be". These are all wonderful quotes that are meant to help you live a happy life but they miss the point. Our lives are interconnected with each other and with the world.
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