Why is it so much easier to let go of people we choose to let go of, but so much more difficult to let go of people who choose to leave our lives? Could it be that when we make that decision, we are in control, but that control is taken away from us by another when they leave, and there is little we can do about it?
Let's break it down a little and look at why we need to let go of people and why people chose to leave our lives in the first place.
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1. Because things aren't always about us
When they walk out, it is sometimes about them and what they need from life and for their personal happiness and well-being. We are not the center of the universe for anyone else's life but our own!
We all want different things in our lives, regardless of how compatible we are or how well we get along. When someone recognizes a strong need or desire that grows or does not fade, and they feel they cannot fulfill that passion or desire while being with you, they must eventually leave or live resentfully.
Is that what you truly desire for yourself or for them? Do you see why you must let go of people who have chosen to leave your life?
It could be a new career, a place they've always wanted to live, or something they've always wanted to do, but without having to commit to a time frame or being with someone. This is all about them, not you, so let them go so they can be happy. Go find something that will both energise and inspire you.
2. Because some relationships are harmful to one's health
Can I put it any more succinctly? It will either be detrimental to one person (you), even if you were prepared to hang in there and hope that things would change, or it will be detrimental to the other person, and they will realize this and leave.
Or was your relationship harmful to both of you? It is not a good place to be in a relationship if any part of it is toxic. A toxic relationship is one in which the partner is manipulative, controlling, jealous, or abusive.
Stop making excuses for them and don't expect them to change. It makes no difference. Allow them to go.
If, on the other hand, you were accused of being the toxic component of your relationship, simply let them go and use that time wisely to reflect on why you may need help, and to resolve any issues you are experiencing.
3. Because some people will do whatever they want at any time
They will not give you a second thought. You can call them whatever you want, but I doubt they'll mind. Some people, unfortunately, will never change. They may have promised to change or may have expressed no desire to change. After all, they believe they are perfect, so why put up with someone who will never regard you as significant?
Their ego and sense of self-importance blinded them to your anguish and pain. Have you waited all night for them to come home, have they ignored or belittled you, have they forgotten your birthday and failed to take you out? Was your relationship one-sided and all about them, and they decided to leave you for someone else without giving you a second thought? If that's the case, let go and exhale a sigh of relief; you had a lucky escape. Make a list of your blessings. It's not a loss!
4. Because you may have scared them away
Have you evolved? Is there a problem? Did you miss any of the signals or alarms that went off? Were they attempting to convey a message to you? Did they behave differently this time? Only you can answer this, or if it's too difficult, confide in someone whose opinion you respect but may not always agree with! Before you can make peace and find closure, you deserve an honest answer.
5. Because sometimes you just have to admit that you were the only one trying to make things work
Perhaps they found what they were looking for somewhere else, and you no longer met their expectations. They lost interest because you were surplus to their needs. I understand how upsetting and difficult this can be, but is this possibly what happened? Sometimes we try so hard to meet everyone's expectations, but it's unsustainable and exhausting.
You tried to appear perfect, smart, and cool, and to truly integrate into the other person's life, interests, and hobbies, but there is no guarantee that they would stay. Perhaps they are so erratic that they will continue to float between people, unsure of what they truly require or seek. Do you really want to spend your time with someone like this?
6. Because sometimes it is better to let go of someone than to hold them back
Yes, there are times when letting someone go is the most considerate thing to do. Are you now free to do the things you've always wanted to do, or are you no longer held back from doing something you'd been putting off or felt unable to do before?
Perhaps someone left because they felt held back and stagnant in an aspect of their life that was making them very unhappy, so unhappy that they had to do something about it. That something was abandoning you, no matter how difficult it was for either or both of you.
7. Because you've become overly reliant
Did you lose yourself along the way and become too reliant on this person, and you craved being with them and having them around you, and they recognized this and felt trapped, suffocated, and desired to be free? Were you less independent after you got together, and did you have higher expectations of the other person? Did they perceive you as needy, clingy, vulnerable, and possibly a little demanding?
8. Because you were no longer productive as a team
You were constantly arguing, and underlying resentment and hostility grew. You either didn't want to acknowledge it or kept hoping it would get better, but the other person chose to leave first, and you still find it difficult to let go.
9. Because trust has simply vanished
It is extremely difficult to turn back the clock, and if either party has broken significant trust, being in a relationship will become unsustainable when one person has had enough and is no longer willing to work at the relationship. Let go of anyone who chooses to leave your life, learn, and rebuild yourself. Take the best parts of the relationship so you don't become cynical, but also learn from the mistakes.
10. Because your relationship was all about power and dominance
Let's be honest: this was not a healthy relationship. Is it possible, looking back, that you were being controlled by the other person, or that you were attempting to call all the shots? There are no true winners in either case, and regardless of who left, it was not a recipe for success. Both parties would be unhappy in the future.
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