Why Couples Argue Over Small Things (The Ultimate Guide + Image Quotes)

Relationships aren't always easy to maintain. When two people with different life experiences, views, and perspectives come together, arguments and disagreements are to be expected. But how many times have we been told that arguing with our partner means the relationship is doomed? Is frequently disagreeing a sign that you aren't compatible? If you find yourself arguing a lot with your loved one, there is a saving grace – science says it is a great indicator for your relationship, and here's how.

Love Isn't An Easy Road

As romantic and against-all-odds as love is portrayed, the reality is that relationships and marriage require work to cultivate and bloom. There is a lot of psychological research on why marriages fail, but not nearly as much on what makes marriages succeed.

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This viewpoint has led us to believe that arguing is a sign of failure and incompatibility with someone we care about. While extreme hurtful arguing is harmful to each other, studies show that a healthy relationship includes disagreements on a regular basis.

How Arguing Benefits Your Relationship's Longevity

We've all heard that communication is the key to a happy relationship.

While most of us imagine this as sitting calmly on the sofa and discussing our worries or concerns with our partner, in reality, this is rarely the case.

After all, we're all human, and we all have bad days, bad reactions to words and situations, so disagreements are unavoidable. Couples who argue are, in essence, communicating, which is the foundation of any successful relationship. Granted, it may not appear to be the most ideal method of communication, but actually expressing our opinions and viewpoints is far preferable to keeping them to ourselves and letting them stew. Jonah Lehrer, author of A Book About Love, investigated how fighting in a relationship can be beneficial rather than detrimental.

(((Instant Book Preview of The Argument Hangover)))

“Scientists believe that spouses who complain to each other the most and about the least important things have more lasting relationships. Couples with high negativity thresholds, on the other hand—who only complain about serious problems—are much more likely to divorce.”

So arguing about trivial matters keeps your relationship running much better than saving it for the more serious and important issues.

Why Isn't Fighting A Sign Of An Unhealthy Relationship?

Okay, arguing from day one may be an unhealthy sign, but once we settle into a relationship, the true dynamics emerge.

Lehrer delves deeper into John Gottman's research, which led to the establishment of the Gottman Institute, which focuses on research-based methods for relationship strengthening. According to Gottman's research, if you're not arguing at a certain point in a relationship where you're revealing your true selves to each other, it could be a sign that you've lost emotional investment in the other person.

“According to Gottman's research, if you are not fighting three years into a relationship, it is an indication of an unhealthy relationship. You're no longer holding back your farts at that point. You're completely intimate. You've seen where they have hair and smelled their morning breath. You don't hold anything back. If you're not fighting, it's usually a sign of withdrawal. In some ways, complaining and fighting in an intimate relationship can be viewed as ways of demonstrating that you care.”

Of course, no one should be unhappy in a relationship, but emotionally intelligent arguing or even general bickering shows that you're invested and willing to communicate, which helps to keep your relationship running smoothly.

So, if you believe that arguing is a sign that your relationship is doomed, think again. Indeed, it is a sign that you are not only passionate about the other person and the relationship, but that communication is abundant, indicating that your partnership is likely much stronger than you think.

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You have heard it all before: "Live life to the fullest", "follow your dreams", "be who you are" and "if it is meant to be, it will be". These are all wonderful quotes that are meant to help you live a happy life but they miss the point. Our lives are interconnected with each other and with the world.

No matter how hard you think you try, there’s always going to be a certain level of stress in your life. And when stress gets out of hand, it can start to negatively affect your life. But this doesn’t have to be the case. There are some easy steps you can take to improve your life in the long run, and we’ve found a few that can help you enjoy a better life and get rid of stress.

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